I am not sure if I really just saw these vibrations at the time I write this, they were SO real though that I now am certain they are. They are vertical sine waves every other one is the same and the second is an opposite of the one next to it. I am hearing jet engines warming up, sooo real, so loud. I am on the toilet in a hospital when they come though at the time I am not sure if I know that I am there, I am peeing or whatever. I try to scream but I am paralyzed but my mouth is moving. My legs can move though and I roll off the toilet onto the floor and try to scream. I wiggle to the door with my pants down still, I finally get control in my arms and pull up my shorts and open the door. I go out into a large room that I do not recognize, my family is there, I tell them that I am sorry (I do not know why). I ask how long it has been (I am not sure what time period I am asking for). There are 3 doctors 2 female one carrying an EMT bag. and a stretcher. They tell me that they are there because I complained of back pain a week ago. This part is really fuzzy but she says something and I tell her that I have seen her before, she doesn't know that I am psychic.
The vibrations were REAL!! When I tried to make them stronger that is when I fell back asleep into dreamland dimension, so quickly that I thought I was in waking reality in that bathroom, hence the sleep paralysis, which by the way, I have never experienced before ever (or not that I remember), but it was all a dream.
(As I type this I feel Deja Vous, and now that I am typing it, I feel Deja Vous about the deja vous all about a sound that I heard out side that woke me from my next dream…. this day is weird, REALLY weird, I do not understand what is happening, has my mind veil been lifted? Am I truly becoming who I was meant to be?)
Joel was in a heavy drug induced OBE that I now recall was of our doing, we were trying something out and we as a family was going to rescue him (the people I was with I recognized in the dream as being family) and bring him home. I walked around looking for him, the door to the stairs was locked and it said to go around to the other side. I go though some doors and there is a desk to my left. I stand there for a second trying to figure out where to go, there are more stairs to my right, but I do not feel that they will bring me to him, so I go up to the desk to ask. I need them to bring me to him so we can rescue him and keep him from being buried and put into the ground, because we know he isn't dead. I show her my regions bracelet which for whatever reason is back on my wrist, but that doesn't seem to be good enough. I have a yellow envelope with some forms in it (it just appears) I figure that this is what they need to let me go to him. When they look at the forms I realize what they are. They are something that I wrote either when I was in the hospital or suicidal or something, and I regret showing it to her because I am afraid to go back to inpatient treatment. The woman looks at the last page and tells me that it is "highlighted and tenanted" I am not sure what that means but I felt that it meant that the form had been authorized and it was real and had some weight in the hospital. I was eating fish (they just appeared too) They were cooked and salted and rather tasty, there were three kinds all a different color, one was red, one was blue, and the last was white. Then the definition (weather correct or not) came into my mind of shell fish and that it had a shell on its dorsal side… I have no idea what that meant or had anything to do with.
It is right now that some guy outside is yelling "Ma'am! Hey Ma'am!" Some other things too but I do not remember I was hypnogogic, but I am sure they came from outside thought that window that was open. Later there was more talking from outside when I was more awake that confirms they wanted me… they said that "I tried to buzz her, but she doesn't have a phone" I recall someone knocking at my door and them trying to come in but it was locked and chained. Earlier I was afraid about that sound that I had heard in my room and decided to lock the door up so I could actually get some sleep and not worry about every sound I heard.
I invited this new fear in locking my door, giving into that one… Ego was trying to proove that fear right for me locking up. I asked for it. After I got ready I unlocked the door again, I will lock it at night for peace of mind, but every morning I will unlock it because I have nothing to fear! Something during my waking up after the Ma'am thing came to be about being psychic, but it didn't go anywhere.
I also started thinking, not sure if it was here, about my case manager coming back and asking me more questions ultimately she was getting at that I needed to come up with a punishment for what I did. That felt, and still does, feel very real and valid. She IS going to come back and tell me that I need to have a consequence for my actions. Right now I am feeling that there is a lot of truth in that book about having the power to recover from ANY mistake. I made some mistakes yesterday, and I have the power to ultimately recover. No matter how hopeless it may seem, the solution is in my wisdom that I have already gathered, I know how to solve this problem, I just need to trust that I will handle the situation right.
There have been several police cars that have gone by with sirens on past my window, I have seen them pass, the first too I was having a strange feeling they were coming for me, but they continued on and did not come here.
it is 8:50. I went out for a smoke and typed up all of this stuff… no one from maintenance approached me when I was outside… the ma'am thing or the no phone thing happened at 8:03 I looked at my clock when it happened. Door is unlocked, if they need me they can not only get in but they do not need to call me. :)
More sirens! Jeeze I wonder what happened… lmao.
I reentered the hospital dream, only I was alone and I didn't seem to want to find joel. I do not remember what I even did there, but I was back in my apartment, but just down the hall from my door was the desk that was in that hospital (the one where joel was) and on the desk there was a UPS envelope that was bulging and there were some tape binds. I somehow knew there was candy in it, so I do not see anyone so I break the binds and take some. There is a room right behind me and the woman in the bed sees me take like 1/2 of all of it. I turn around and I am like oh shit so I run down the hall to my apartment and lock the door and go into my bedroom. My apartment has changed, the floor plan is like no apparent I have ever been in. Near the door there was a book case and just to the left of that the wall had an entrance to the kitchen and just past that was a dark stairway with no door that goes down to the basement. I climb down and look around, at first it is full of shit, there is so MUCH stuff it isn't even funny, just junk everywhere. Then I remember that I have like nothing so I re-imagine it being empty. When I do I see another set of starts kitty corner to the stairs I came down. I think what is up them, and there is now a hallway from the entry way in the apartment and the stairs, it is just long enough for a washer and drier. these stairs are blue, I do not climb them, instead I am now standing in the garage at my parents house looking at the wall where the garbage cans are and behind that (just like in my dream the same angle only not upstairs) there are the washer, I Imagine it shrinking down into the space where it is just enough to fit a washer and drier like in "my" apartment. I then wake up.
Prior to this dream that I remember, I remember experiencing sleep paralysis again. Oh yeah, it was when I was running back after taken the candy. I jumped into bed where I became paralyzed and couldn't get out. I also remember looking at the candy I took and not being able to clearly read it but I had a huge bag of pop corn and I was trying to see the nutrition facts, but they were not making any sense. I couldn't understand what it said! It was sooo weird, but I ate two bites and gaged/spat them into the garbage can near the door. Somewhere in that time I was paralyzed and scarred in my bed and then I went down to explore the basement. I also when I was in the basement thought of how there might be a floor above me too, and then I was outside my building and that all 3 floors I lived on.
I do not remember which dream it was, but there was one this morning that I clearly remember walking towards my bed from down the hall and when I got there my body was in the bed. I was definitly out of my body! I climbed back into my body and that is when the sleep paralysis came on. I wasn't scared or anything, it was like I do it all the time. I was in a dream state but the looking at my body in my bed was SO real and then of course the sleep paralysis was real too. When I finally was able to move again I rolled out of bed but I was not in the physical world, I was back into the dream. I may have been projecting and didn't even know it. In fact, I may have been projecting several times into the astral and had no idea I was actually doing it, and just clearly remember not being able to move! COOL! :D